someone shared this on Facebook and i just had to re-post it here because this is really true!! and because i'm blessed to be married to someone who knows the importance of being there for me -- in sickness and in health!
Editor's note: This article was originally published on Kevin A. Thompson's blog. It has been republished here with permission.
"In sickness and in health."
On two occasions I have said those words with the full confidence that the couple repeating those words actually knew what they meant.
The first occurrence brought a smile to my face. She had endured and marriage was her reward on the other side of illness. Together they have journeyed through the struggles of a serious disease as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now they would be husband and wife. They knew what "in sickness and in health" meant.
The second occurrence brought a tear to my eye. She had weeks to live. The vow renewal was his gift to her. I almost cut the words fearing they might be too painful. But with a crowd gathered I included them as a testimony to all who would hear them say, "in sickness and in health." They meant it and everyone knew it.
Few people consider sickness and suffering when picking a mate.
They consider how the other person might look in the morning or what bad habits they might have.
They consider what offspring they could produce or what extended family they might bring to the reunion.
Yet few people ever consider what is a vital question — can I suffer with this person?
It sounds like the beginning of another marriage joke, but it's not.
It's a real question and one which should be explored by every dating couple.
Suffering is a part of life.
And the older a person gets, the more we realize that suffering is not a rare occurrence, but is a common aspect of our lives.
Sorrow comes in many forms, yet it is guaranteed to come.
BEWARE: Not everyone suffers well.
Some live in denial — unable to confront the deep realities of life.
Some live in despair — unable to recognize the convergence of laughter and tears.
Few have the grace to suffer well.
Those who do suffer well are a well-spring of life and faith.
Who do you want holding your hand when the test says "cancer?"
On whose shoulder do you want to lean when the doctor says, "We've done all we can?"
With whom do you want to lay beside when you don't know where your child is or if they will ever come home?
When your world turns upside down, in whose eyes do you want to look?
Find someone who suffers well.
I know it doesn't seem important when life is perfect.
A beautiful smile is far more attractive than a quiet determination.
A common interest is far more appealing than internal strength.
Yet when life falls apart, you want someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from.
You want someone who believes in you.
You want someone who instills faith, not causes doubt.
You want someone who hopes no matter the circumstances.
In the Bible, Job's wife responded to his suffering by saying, "Curse God and die."
Had he not suffered enough?
Was life not difficult enough?
Enduring hardship was enough, yet Job was also forced to rebuke his wife during his time of struggle.
Life is hard enough; there is no need to make it harder.
Choosing a spouse who does not suffer well makes life harder.
It makes every grief stronger.
It makes every sorrow more painful.
It makes every hurt deeper.
Yet,
when our spouse knows how to suffer,
when they don't live in denial, but confront the sorrows of life,
when they don't live in despair but know how to laugh and cry at the same time,
when they offer support and hope in all of life's challenges,
when they can see the big picture of life,
then,
every grief is wedded to hope
every sorrow is matched with love
and every hurt is paired with healing.
One of the great guarantees of life is that every person, every couple, will suffer. When choosing a mate, choose someone who suffers well and you will never be sorry.
Kevin A. Thompson is Lead Pastor of Community Bible Church, a multi-site church in Fort Smith, AR. He currently writes a daily blog focusing on leadership, marriage, and parenting (specifically parenting a child with special needs). Along with his wife, Kevin is co-owner of JThompsonMMC, a full service media and marketing company based in Fort Smith. He is a graduate of Beeson Divinity School of Samford University and Oklahoma Baptist University.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
"Let us not be weary in doing the good..."
i wrote the email below to a dear friend who is also a pastor who's been getting somewhat frustrated with what's happening in the church. i re-read it again today and, i have to say, i even surprised myself at what i wrote!! it's because of that that i decided to put it here on my blog so i would remember these for myself for those times when i will also feel frustrated or upset or disappointed with the folks i am working alongside in the ministry. we should expect to be frustrated, upset, disappointed, but the point is NOT to let it deter us from the goal that the Lord has given to us -- whatever ministry we're in! it's important to keep our eyes fixed firmly on the Lord and Him alone, especially when it comes to the ministry!!
hi, ptr! when i received your messages about how you were feeling, i was very disturbed. i wrote my response a few days ago, but wanted to let it sit for awhile before sending it to you. i hope you will understand where i'm coming from because i'm very concerned.
the verse that sprung to mind when i first read your messages was Galatians 6:9 & 10--"And let us not be weary in doing the good: for in its own time we shall reap, by not fainting. As we therefore have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to the household of faith."
so, regarding what you wrote, here's what came to mind:
• we shouldn’t look at the people. instead, we should Look at the Lord.
• People will always disappoint.
• People will always be late to church.
• People will always have an excuse NOT to help with the work of the church.
• It’s always the same people who do ALL the work. Example: CE teachers who also help with VBS, year in and year out.
• We can’t force them to change. The desire has to come from within the person.
• SOLUTION: We need to educate our church folks.
• We need to encourage them when they DO help.
• We need to MAKE THEM CARE about their church and the ministry that’s been entrusted to them.
• There will always be people who are enthusiastic about the church’s ministry and the Lord’s work.
• There will always be people who are NOT.
• For those who are, THANK them for their dedication and commitment. Show them appreciation on a regular basis, not just once a year (at Christmas).
• But, we should NEVER allow the devil’s tools of discouragement, anger, and disillusionment get us off-track.
• The example of the Apostle Paul should be one we need to follow. He was single-minded in his ministry. Despite being imprisoned, tortured, laughed at, not believed, he never lost his focus. So, even if our church members lose their focus or don’t even have their focus on helping with the ministry, those of us who have this drive to do the Lord’s work must NEVER lose our focus! We need to keep working until either the Lord returns or He takes us home!
• When I start feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I’m doing ALL the work (a lie that the devil tries to convince me is the truth), I always have to remind myself that my job is NOT to earn the praise of men. It isn’t to bring glory to myself, but to return all the glory back to the Lord. I have to remind myself that I’m not here to please MEN, but to please God. My job here on earth is to BE FAITHFUL to the work that God has entrusted to me. When my focus is turned back on God where it rightly belongs, all those other issues and complaints about people who aren’t pulling their weight or helping with the ministry go away. And the joy that I need to have in order to do the Lord’s work properly will return.
• Despite the church backgrounds of the people attending our church, we should not hold that against them. Instead, we should EDUCATE them, TRAIN them, help them to WANT to be involved, to use their God-given gifts/talents to move the church forward.
• For me, as a pastor’s kid, I was in MANY churches starting from when I was still in the womb! The first church I remember becoming involved in was Caloocan Bible Church. Then, there was North Suburban Evangelical Free Church in Deerfield, IL (attender only). Then, back to Caloocan, followed by Lake Zurich Evangelical Free Church. There was EL Church-Pasadena, Pilipino Christian Church in Long Beach, Lake Avenue Congregational Church (attender only), EL Church-Forest Hills, back to EL Church-Pasadena, then now, Church of the Open Door (attender only).
• No matter what church I was at, the issues were the same: some people were very enthusiastic about being involved and others were not. Some were very lazy about their commitment to the Lord and His ministry; some were not. It’s really “the nature of the beast” because it all boils down to the sin nature that all human beings still carry with them. But, the desire to help the church NEEDS to come from their hearts; we can’t force it on them; we can’t make them do it! But, if they don’t have that desire, we should not allow it to deter or discourage us. We should just keep plugging along because we know it’s the right thing to do and it’s what will please God which should be our primary goal anyway.
• Remember also that we ALL come with BAGGAGE, whether it’s to a marriage, a friendship, and, most especially, to a CHURCH. NO ONE is exempt from baggage because that’s how life is. Therefore, we need to be more kind and understanding about the personal situation of our church members/ attenders.
• But, we must also remember that no matter how much we try to help someone care about being involved with the church’s ministry, that individual needs to come to that realization himself/herself. The issue is really between him/her and God. We do what we can but, in the end, it’s up to them to have that desire within themselves to be involved.
• We can also remind them of the Lord’s words in Matthew 9:37 & 38--"The harvest truly is great, but the workers are few; Pray therefore that the Lord of the harvest may send workers into his harvest."
• But, if, after all the encouragement and pleadings, they STILL don’t, we must NOT hold it against them. We should just pray for them and leave it up to the Lord.
• There’s nothing that will drive someone away from the church and even from the Lord than our condemnation or disapproval because we feel that they are not contributing to the ministry.
• Remember, only the LORD can place that desire in their hearts. If they resist His call, it’s their loss and they will have to answer to the Lord for that resistance/decision.
looking forward to discussing this more with you...
hi, ptr! when i received your messages about how you were feeling, i was very disturbed. i wrote my response a few days ago, but wanted to let it sit for awhile before sending it to you. i hope you will understand where i'm coming from because i'm very concerned.
the verse that sprung to mind when i first read your messages was Galatians 6:9 & 10--"And let us not be weary in doing the good: for in its own time we shall reap, by not fainting. As we therefore have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to the household of faith."
so, regarding what you wrote, here's what came to mind:
• we shouldn’t look at the people. instead, we should Look at the Lord.
• People will always disappoint.
• People will always be late to church.
• People will always have an excuse NOT to help with the work of the church.
• It’s always the same people who do ALL the work. Example: CE teachers who also help with VBS, year in and year out.
• We can’t force them to change. The desire has to come from within the person.
• SOLUTION: We need to educate our church folks.
• We need to encourage them when they DO help.
• We need to MAKE THEM CARE about their church and the ministry that’s been entrusted to them.
• There will always be people who are enthusiastic about the church’s ministry and the Lord’s work.
• There will always be people who are NOT.
• For those who are, THANK them for their dedication and commitment. Show them appreciation on a regular basis, not just once a year (at Christmas).
• But, we should NEVER allow the devil’s tools of discouragement, anger, and disillusionment get us off-track.
• The example of the Apostle Paul should be one we need to follow. He was single-minded in his ministry. Despite being imprisoned, tortured, laughed at, not believed, he never lost his focus. So, even if our church members lose their focus or don’t even have their focus on helping with the ministry, those of us who have this drive to do the Lord’s work must NEVER lose our focus! We need to keep working until either the Lord returns or He takes us home!
• When I start feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I’m doing ALL the work (a lie that the devil tries to convince me is the truth), I always have to remind myself that my job is NOT to earn the praise of men. It isn’t to bring glory to myself, but to return all the glory back to the Lord. I have to remind myself that I’m not here to please MEN, but to please God. My job here on earth is to BE FAITHFUL to the work that God has entrusted to me. When my focus is turned back on God where it rightly belongs, all those other issues and complaints about people who aren’t pulling their weight or helping with the ministry go away. And the joy that I need to have in order to do the Lord’s work properly will return.
• Despite the church backgrounds of the people attending our church, we should not hold that against them. Instead, we should EDUCATE them, TRAIN them, help them to WANT to be involved, to use their God-given gifts/talents to move the church forward.
• For me, as a pastor’s kid, I was in MANY churches starting from when I was still in the womb! The first church I remember becoming involved in was Caloocan Bible Church. Then, there was North Suburban Evangelical Free Church in Deerfield, IL (attender only). Then, back to Caloocan, followed by Lake Zurich Evangelical Free Church. There was EL Church-Pasadena, Pilipino Christian Church in Long Beach, Lake Avenue Congregational Church (attender only), EL Church-Forest Hills, back to EL Church-Pasadena, then now, Church of the Open Door (attender only).
• No matter what church I was at, the issues were the same: some people were very enthusiastic about being involved and others were not. Some were very lazy about their commitment to the Lord and His ministry; some were not. It’s really “the nature of the beast” because it all boils down to the sin nature that all human beings still carry with them. But, the desire to help the church NEEDS to come from their hearts; we can’t force it on them; we can’t make them do it! But, if they don’t have that desire, we should not allow it to deter or discourage us. We should just keep plugging along because we know it’s the right thing to do and it’s what will please God which should be our primary goal anyway.
• Remember also that we ALL come with BAGGAGE, whether it’s to a marriage, a friendship, and, most especially, to a CHURCH. NO ONE is exempt from baggage because that’s how life is. Therefore, we need to be more kind and understanding about the personal situation of our church members/ attenders.
• But, we must also remember that no matter how much we try to help someone care about being involved with the church’s ministry, that individual needs to come to that realization himself/herself. The issue is really between him/her and God. We do what we can but, in the end, it’s up to them to have that desire within themselves to be involved.
• We can also remind them of the Lord’s words in Matthew 9:37 & 38--"The harvest truly is great, but the workers are few; Pray therefore that the Lord of the harvest may send workers into his harvest."
• But, if, after all the encouragement and pleadings, they STILL don’t, we must NOT hold it against them. We should just pray for them and leave it up to the Lord.
• There’s nothing that will drive someone away from the church and even from the Lord than our condemnation or disapproval because we feel that they are not contributing to the ministry.
• Remember, only the LORD can place that desire in their hearts. If they resist His call, it’s their loss and they will have to answer to the Lord for that resistance/decision.
looking forward to discussing this more with you...
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