“And Them That Mourn” — Celebrating Christmas in the Face of Grief and Death
Monday, December 24, 2012
Families across the Christian world are gathering for Christmas even now, with caravans of cars and planeloads of passengers headed to hearth and home. Christmas comes once again, filled with the joy, expectation, and sentiment of the season. It is a time for children, who fill homes with energy, excitement, and sheer joy. And it is a time for the aged, who cherish Christmas memories drawn from decades of Christmas celebrations. Even in an age of mobility, families do their best to gather as extended clans, drawn by the call of Christmas.
And yet, the sentiment and joy of the season is often accompanied by very different emotions and memories. At some point, every Christian home is invaded by the pressing memory of loved ones who can no longer gather — of empty chairs and empty arms, and aching hearts. For some, the grief is fresh, suffering the death of one who was so very present at the Christmas gathering last year, but is now among the saints resting in Christ. For others, it is the grief of a loss suffered long ago. We grieve the absence of parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and siblings. Some, with a grief almost too great to bear, suffer the heartbreak that comes with the death of a child.
For all of us, the knowledge of recent events of unspeakable horror and the murder of young children make us think of so many homes with such overwhelming grief.
Is Christmas also for those who grieve? Such a question would perplex those who experienced the events that night in humble Bethelehem and those who followed Christ throughout his earthly ministry. Christmas is especially for those who grieve.
The Apostle Paul, writing to the Galatians, reminds us of the fact that we are born as slaves to sin. “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.” [Galatians 4:4] Out of darkness, came light. As the prophet Isaiah foretold, “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who walk in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined.” [Isaiah 9:2]
This same Christ is the Messiah who, as Isaiah declared, “has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” [Isaiah 53:4] He fully identifies with and shares all our afflictions, and he came that we might know the only rescue from death, sorrow, grief, and sin.
The baby Jesus was born into a world of grief, suffering, and loss. The meaning of his incarnation was recognized by the aged Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, who prophesied that God had acted to save his people, “because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” [Luke 1:78-79]
There are so many Christians who, even now, are suffering the grief that feels very much like the shadow of death. How can they celebrate Christmas, and how might we celebrate with them?
In 1918, a special service was written for the choir of King’s College at Britain’s Cambridge University. The “Service of Nine Lessons and Carols” was first read and sung in the magnificent chapel of King’s College in that same year, establishing what is now a venerable Christmas tradition. In the “Bidding Prayer” prepared to call the congregation together for that beautiful service, the great truths of Christmas are declared in unforgettable prose:
Beloved in Christ, be it this Christmastide our care and delight to hear again the message of the angels, and in heart and mind to go even unto Bethlehem and see this thing which is come to pass, and the Babe lying in a manger.
Therefore let us read and mark in Holy Scripture the tale of the loving purposes of God from the first days of our disobedience unto the glorious Redemption brought us by this Holy Child.
But first, let us pray for the needs of the whole world; for peace on earth and goodwill among all his people; for unity and brotherhood within the Church he came to build, and especially in this city.
And because this of all things would rejoice his heart, let us remember, in his name, the poor and helpless, the cold, the hungry, and the oppressed; the sick and them that mourn, the lonely and the unloved, the aged and the little children; all those who know not the Lord Jesus, or who love him not, or who by sin have grieved his heart of love.
On the very evening of the celebration of Christ’s birth, Christians are called to remember, in Christ’s name, the poor and the helpless, the cold and the hungry, the oppressed and the sick, the lonely and the unloved, the aged and the children, those who do not know Christ, “and them that mourn.”
The church is filled with those who, while not grieving as others grieve, bear grief as Christians who miss their loved ones, who cherish their memories, and who wonder at times how to think of such grief at Christmas. Far too many homes are filled with them that mourn.
And it will be so until Christ comes again. The great truth of Christmas is that the Father so loves the world that he sent his own Son to assume human flesh and to dwell among us, to die for our sins and to suffer for our iniquity, and to declare that the kingdom of God is at hand. This same Jesus was raised from the dead on the third day, conquering death and sin. There is salvation, full pardon from sin, and life everlasting to those who believe and trust in him.
Christmas is especially for those who mourn and suffer grief, for the message of Christmas is nothing less than the death of death in the death and resurrection of Christ.
And them that mourn. Christmas is especially for those bearing grief and sorrow. Our joy is hindered temporarily by the loss we have suffered, even as we know that those who are in Christ are promised everlasting life. We know that even now they are with Christ, for to be absent from the body is to the present with the Lord.
Christians bear a particular responsibility to surround fellow believers with this confidence, and to minister Christmas joy and love to those bearing griefs. We stand together in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, declaring with the Apostle Paul that nothing, not even death, can separate us from the love of God. We bind one another’s hearts, respect one another’s tears, and remind one another of the blessed hope. For, it was Christ himself who promised that our “sorrow will turn into joy.” [John 16:20] When we sing Christmas carols and read the great Christmas texts of the Bible, we hurl the message of life over death against the Evil One and death, who meet their ultimate defeat in Christ.
That Bidding Prayer written for King’s College, Cambridge, in 1918 draws to a close with words that speak so powerfully to the Church about these very truths:
“Lastly, let us remember before God all those who rejoice with us, but upon another shore, and in a greater light, that multitude which no man can number, whose hope was in the Word made flesh, and with whom in the Lord Jesus we are for ever one.”
Those words are exactly right. Those who have gone before us to be with the Lord are with us in Christmas joy. They rejoice with us, “but upon another shore, and in a greater light.” Our loved ones in Christ are in that unnumbered multitude “whose hope was in the Word made flesh.” The great truth of Christmas is shouted in the face of death when we declare that, even now, “in the Lord Jesus we are forever one.”
Your loved one was not created and given the gift of life merely for that chair now empty. Those who are in Christ were created for eternal glory. We must train our sentiments to lean into truth, and we must know that Christmas is especially for those who grieve.
And them that mourn. The chair may be now empty, but heaven will be full. Remember, above all else, that those who are in Christ, though dead, celebrate Christmas with us — just upon another shore, and in a greater light. Merry Christmas.
http://www.albertmohler.com/2012/12/24/and-them-that-mourn-celebrating-christmas-in-the-face-of-grief-and-death/?utm_source=Albert+Mohler&utm_campaign=bbe396fcc5-Albert_Mohler_Email_August_6_20128_6_2012&utm_medium=email
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
'tis the season... for loss
who knew that Christmas 2012 would be the time when i would experience LOSS in my life... but, that's what's happening... i guess it started in july when my dad told me that he was going to remarry. i had no objections to him remarrying because i want my dad to be happy. then i met the woman and felt that knot in the pit of my stomach after meeting her that indicated to me that there was something NOT quite right about her. i just didn't trust her and i doubted that her motives were pure. i mean, here was someone who always made it a point to brag about herself and her supposed accomplishments, even at her wedding reception!! there's something seriously wrong with her, but i couldn't convince my dad anymore. he was so infatuated with the facade she displayed to him. but, what i think is worse than someone not having the purest of intentions is the fact that she lies. and her lies have resulted in alienating my dad from me and my family. it's very sad.
because of this woman, i am now estranged from my dad. he has chosen to believe someone whom he has known for only a few months over his own daughter whom he has known for more than 57 years!! what's up with that???? does that make ANY sense? on top of this, this woman has convinced my dad that my mom needs to be TOTALLY eliminated from the consciousness of the church folks in cebu. so, she has convinced my dad that the church folks were talking to my mom's pictures which were displayed in the fellowship hall. my dad actually accused his own church people -- his flock, many of whom have been under his tutelage and leadership for years! -- of practicing necromancy!! a week after dan & i left for the states in late october, that woman succeeded in having all those pictures taken down!!
that really hurt and that was another reason for this sense of loss that i'm feeling. but, i'm comforted by the fact that the WHOLE COMPOUND at 17 forest hills, banawa, IS my mom. she designed that compound -- every single nook and cranny of it! and her personality and creativity are in every single inch of that building. unless this woman decides to destroy the building, she will NEVER be able to erase my mom's influence and handiwork.
when i told my son justin about the pictures of his grandmother being taken down, he shared with me portions of the transcript of a broadcast from Family Life on "blended families" that he downloaded. here's part of that transcript: People who come into a blended family and say, “I don’t want you putting that photo up on the wall anymore because that includes your first wife. It makes me feel like I’m the second wife. It makes me feel less than. It makes me feel like my kids don’t matter to you as much as your kids matter to you,” that’s a person who is being possessive over the family story. They are trying to put themselves into the only place in that other person’s heart and somehow erase the past. Possessiveness only divides. It tends to, then, make other people in the blended family hear that and say, “What?! You want to take Mom’s picture off the wall? How dare you!” It just doesn’t make any sense. Grace, the heart that says, “There is more than enough love in everybody’s heart for the new people as well as the old people, the past people, if you will.” The heart of grace says, “We can all love. There is more than enough love in our hearts to receive these new people.” “You may have had somebody in a photo that was a part of your life before I showed up, and in grace, I’m receiving that part of your life story... Everybody has a role. Everybody has a place. Pretty soon, grandchildren, children—my grandchildren—all of that is going to get mixed together; but as Ron said, if you try to shut out certain people and remove them from this story, you’re only going to cause resentment.”
it's obvious that this woman didn't read up on what she should know about becoming someone's 2nd wife and how to relate to my dad's first family. but, i sensed that already as i could tell that she's a very selfish person. but, i never envisioned that she would go so far as to actually make it her life's mission to drive a wedge between my dad and me. what's sadder still, however, is that my dad BELIEVES her lies!! hence, the indescribable feeling of loss because the dad i've known for 57 years is gone... so, now i've lost BOTH parents...
of course, the loss of my dad to this woman and her influence has resulted in feeling the loss of my mom all over again. she will have been gone for 3 years on 1/2/13 and this is the first Christmas that i will really miss her! she and my dad didn't have a perfect marriage, but they endured for almost 56 years. i firmly believe that through out their marriage, she was my dad's moral compass. she kept him focused on what was important -- his family and his ministry. she sacrificed so much to do the Lord's work but she never complained. she worked her buns off as EL Theological Seminary Dean, CE Department Dean for the church, my dad's personal secretary and confidant and never asked for a centavo!! she was someone everyone in the church respected and loved. you knew where she stood about her faith and other issues and she would never compromise her moral standards for anyone or anything.
his new wife, on the other hand, is showing that her moral compass is quite off. this is a woman who called my dad's home a "dormitory" in order to justify living there with him a whole month before their wedding! this is when i found out that she's also a liar because she told me that AFTER the wedding, she told everyone that it was now a PRIVATE home! from DORMITORY to PRIVATE HOME!! what is she talking about???? that has ALWAYS been a PRIVATE HOME!! for all practical purposes, she was living with my dad before they married and he allowed himself to believe that that was OK "because we're not doing anything wrong." bull! everyone knows it's wrong to live together before marriage!! and it's even more damaging when you're the senior pastor of a church/denomination!! what a shameful example to the young people in the church!!
additionally, she has shown herself to be VERY interested in MONEY. of course, i'm not surprised about this. she has succeeded in getting herself appointed as bookkeeper for EL Inc and the Seminary, but when my dad tried to convince the CHURCH council to approve her as the bookkeeper for the church, we voted against her. this angered my dad so much that he preached on insubordination to his leadership the following sunday! that seems to be his modus operandi now -- if his wife doesn't like something that someone has said or done, my dad will preach about it and scold that person/those people from the pulpit. dan & i were the recipients of this when we told my dad that we felt the two of them living in the same house was wrong.
despite these feelings of loss, i am looking forward to enjoying Christmas as i celebrate it with my kids and grandkids this year. God is still sovereign. He is STILL on the throne overseeing the lives of His creation. Nothing escapes His notice and, from the very beginning, He has ordained everything that is happening in my life right now. All i need to do is TRUST Him and remain FAITHFUL to Him and His will for my life.
So, despite feeling the absence of the love of my parents, i will not allow that feeling of loss to dominate or overwhelm my life. i will endeavor with the Lord's help to move forward with confidence, knowing that HE KNOWS and He STILL cares!!
because of this woman, i am now estranged from my dad. he has chosen to believe someone whom he has known for only a few months over his own daughter whom he has known for more than 57 years!! what's up with that???? does that make ANY sense? on top of this, this woman has convinced my dad that my mom needs to be TOTALLY eliminated from the consciousness of the church folks in cebu. so, she has convinced my dad that the church folks were talking to my mom's pictures which were displayed in the fellowship hall. my dad actually accused his own church people -- his flock, many of whom have been under his tutelage and leadership for years! -- of practicing necromancy!! a week after dan & i left for the states in late october, that woman succeeded in having all those pictures taken down!!
that really hurt and that was another reason for this sense of loss that i'm feeling. but, i'm comforted by the fact that the WHOLE COMPOUND at 17 forest hills, banawa, IS my mom. she designed that compound -- every single nook and cranny of it! and her personality and creativity are in every single inch of that building. unless this woman decides to destroy the building, she will NEVER be able to erase my mom's influence and handiwork.
when i told my son justin about the pictures of his grandmother being taken down, he shared with me portions of the transcript of a broadcast from Family Life on "blended families" that he downloaded. here's part of that transcript: People who come into a blended family and say, “I don’t want you putting that photo up on the wall anymore because that includes your first wife. It makes me feel like I’m the second wife. It makes me feel less than. It makes me feel like my kids don’t matter to you as much as your kids matter to you,” that’s a person who is being possessive over the family story. They are trying to put themselves into the only place in that other person’s heart and somehow erase the past. Possessiveness only divides. It tends to, then, make other people in the blended family hear that and say, “What?! You want to take Mom’s picture off the wall? How dare you!” It just doesn’t make any sense. Grace, the heart that says, “There is more than enough love in everybody’s heart for the new people as well as the old people, the past people, if you will.” The heart of grace says, “We can all love. There is more than enough love in our hearts to receive these new people.” “You may have had somebody in a photo that was a part of your life before I showed up, and in grace, I’m receiving that part of your life story... Everybody has a role. Everybody has a place. Pretty soon, grandchildren, children—my grandchildren—all of that is going to get mixed together; but as Ron said, if you try to shut out certain people and remove them from this story, you’re only going to cause resentment.”
it's obvious that this woman didn't read up on what she should know about becoming someone's 2nd wife and how to relate to my dad's first family. but, i sensed that already as i could tell that she's a very selfish person. but, i never envisioned that she would go so far as to actually make it her life's mission to drive a wedge between my dad and me. what's sadder still, however, is that my dad BELIEVES her lies!! hence, the indescribable feeling of loss because the dad i've known for 57 years is gone... so, now i've lost BOTH parents...
of course, the loss of my dad to this woman and her influence has resulted in feeling the loss of my mom all over again. she will have been gone for 3 years on 1/2/13 and this is the first Christmas that i will really miss her! she and my dad didn't have a perfect marriage, but they endured for almost 56 years. i firmly believe that through out their marriage, she was my dad's moral compass. she kept him focused on what was important -- his family and his ministry. she sacrificed so much to do the Lord's work but she never complained. she worked her buns off as EL Theological Seminary Dean, CE Department Dean for the church, my dad's personal secretary and confidant and never asked for a centavo!! she was someone everyone in the church respected and loved. you knew where she stood about her faith and other issues and she would never compromise her moral standards for anyone or anything.
his new wife, on the other hand, is showing that her moral compass is quite off. this is a woman who called my dad's home a "dormitory" in order to justify living there with him a whole month before their wedding! this is when i found out that she's also a liar because she told me that AFTER the wedding, she told everyone that it was now a PRIVATE home! from DORMITORY to PRIVATE HOME!! what is she talking about???? that has ALWAYS been a PRIVATE HOME!! for all practical purposes, she was living with my dad before they married and he allowed himself to believe that that was OK "because we're not doing anything wrong." bull! everyone knows it's wrong to live together before marriage!! and it's even more damaging when you're the senior pastor of a church/denomination!! what a shameful example to the young people in the church!!
additionally, she has shown herself to be VERY interested in MONEY. of course, i'm not surprised about this. she has succeeded in getting herself appointed as bookkeeper for EL Inc and the Seminary, but when my dad tried to convince the CHURCH council to approve her as the bookkeeper for the church, we voted against her. this angered my dad so much that he preached on insubordination to his leadership the following sunday! that seems to be his modus operandi now -- if his wife doesn't like something that someone has said or done, my dad will preach about it and scold that person/those people from the pulpit. dan & i were the recipients of this when we told my dad that we felt the two of them living in the same house was wrong.
despite these feelings of loss, i am looking forward to enjoying Christmas as i celebrate it with my kids and grandkids this year. God is still sovereign. He is STILL on the throne overseeing the lives of His creation. Nothing escapes His notice and, from the very beginning, He has ordained everything that is happening in my life right now. All i need to do is TRUST Him and remain FAITHFUL to Him and His will for my life.
So, despite feeling the absence of the love of my parents, i will not allow that feeling of loss to dominate or overwhelm my life. i will endeavor with the Lord's help to move forward with confidence, knowing that HE KNOWS and He STILL cares!!
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