because of this woman, i am now estranged from my dad. he has chosen to believe someone whom he has known for only a few months over his own daughter whom he has known for more than 57 years!! what's up with that???? does that make ANY sense? on top of this, this woman has convinced my dad that my mom needs to be TOTALLY eliminated from the consciousness of the church folks in cebu. so, she has convinced my dad that the church folks were talking to my mom's pictures which were displayed in the fellowship hall. my dad actually accused his own church people -- his flock, many of whom have been under his tutelage and leadership for years! -- of practicing necromancy!! a week after dan & i left for the states in late october, that woman succeeded in having all those pictures taken down!!
that really hurt and that was another reason for this sense of loss that i'm feeling. but, i'm comforted by the fact that the WHOLE COMPOUND at 17 forest hills, banawa, IS my mom. she designed that compound -- every single nook and cranny of it! and her personality and creativity are in every single inch of that building. unless this woman decides to destroy the building, she will NEVER be able to erase my mom's influence and handiwork.
when i told my son justin about the pictures of his grandmother being taken down, he shared with me portions of the transcript of a broadcast from Family Life on "blended families" that he downloaded. here's part of that transcript: People who come into a blended family and say, “I don’t want you putting that photo up on the wall anymore because that includes your first wife. It makes me feel like I’m the second wife. It makes me feel less than. It makes me feel like my kids don’t matter to you as much as your kids matter to you,” that’s a person who is being possessive over the family story. They are trying to put themselves into the only place in that other person’s heart and somehow erase the past. Possessiveness only divides. It tends to, then, make other people in the blended family hear that and say, “What?! You want to take Mom’s picture off the wall? How dare you!” It just doesn’t make any sense. Grace, the heart that says, “There is more than enough love in everybody’s heart for the new people as well as the old people, the past people, if you will.” The heart of grace says, “We can all love. There is more than enough love in our hearts to receive these new people.” “You may have had somebody in a photo that was a part of your life before I showed up, and in grace, I’m receiving that part of your life story... Everybody has a role. Everybody has a place. Pretty soon, grandchildren, children—my grandchildren—all of that is going to get mixed together; but as Ron said, if you try to shut out certain people and remove them from this story, you’re only going to cause resentment.”
it's obvious that this woman didn't read up on what she should know about becoming someone's 2nd wife and how to relate to my dad's first family. but, i sensed that already as i could tell that she's a very selfish person. but, i never envisioned that she would go so far as to actually make it her life's mission to drive a wedge between my dad and me. what's sadder still, however, is that my dad BELIEVES her lies!! hence, the indescribable feeling of loss because the dad i've known for 57 years is gone... so, now i've lost BOTH parents...
of course, the loss of my dad to this woman and her influence has resulted in feeling the loss of my mom all over again. she will have been gone for 3 years on 1/2/13 and this is the first Christmas that i will really miss her! she and my dad didn't have a perfect marriage, but they endured for almost 56 years. i firmly believe that through out their marriage, she was my dad's moral compass. she kept him focused on what was important -- his family and his ministry. she sacrificed so much to do the Lord's work but she never complained. she worked her buns off as EL Theological Seminary Dean, CE Department Dean for the church, my dad's personal secretary and confidant and never asked for a centavo!! she was someone everyone in the church respected and loved. you knew where she stood about her faith and other issues and she would never compromise her moral standards for anyone or anything.
his new wife, on the other hand, is showing that her moral compass is quite off. this is a woman who called my dad's home a "dormitory" in order to justify living there with him a whole month before their wedding! this is when i found out that she's also a liar because she told me that AFTER the wedding, she told everyone that it was now a PRIVATE home! from DORMITORY to PRIVATE HOME!! what is she talking about???? that has ALWAYS been a PRIVATE HOME!! for all practical purposes, she was living with my dad before they married and he allowed himself to believe that that was OK "because we're not doing anything wrong." bull! everyone knows it's wrong to live together before marriage!! and it's even more damaging when you're the senior pastor of a church/denomination!! what a shameful example to the young people in the church!!
additionally, she has shown herself to be VERY interested in MONEY. of course, i'm not surprised about this. she has succeeded in getting herself appointed as bookkeeper for EL Inc and the Seminary, but when my dad tried to convince the CHURCH council to approve her as the bookkeeper for the church, we voted against her. this angered my dad so much that he preached on insubordination to his leadership the following sunday! that seems to be his modus operandi now -- if his wife doesn't like something that someone has said or done, my dad will preach about it and scold that person/those people from the pulpit. dan & i were the recipients of this when we told my dad that we felt the two of them living in the same house was wrong.
despite these feelings of loss, i am looking forward to enjoying Christmas as i celebrate it with my kids and grandkids this year. God is still sovereign. He is STILL on the throne overseeing the lives of His creation. Nothing escapes His notice and, from the very beginning, He has ordained everything that is happening in my life right now. All i need to do is TRUST Him and remain FAITHFUL to Him and His will for my life.
So, despite feeling the absence of the love of my parents, i will not allow that feeling of loss to dominate or overwhelm my life. i will endeavor with the Lord's help to move forward with confidence, knowing that HE KNOWS and He STILL cares!!
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