and then there were 3....!

email from Mom

a few months ago, my Dad gave me my Mom's Key Word Study Bible. unlike her old Bible which had many verses underlined and numerous notes written on the margins that date back 30 or 40 years, this one is relatively new.

on sunday, i saw again the verses that she had underlined on december 8, 2008 after her first hospitalization for a severe asthma attack that triggered a heart attack. little did we know that from that point on, the Lord would only give her 53 weeks on earth. and that thought made me very weepy and also made me realize that i really didn't weep when she passed away or even during the wake. but, on sunday, i couldn't stop the tears... it just made me so sad to think that we didn't know those 53 weeks would be her last...

i was also reminded that there was one email from her last december that i failed to answer. by the time i would have replied, she was already in a coma and that is still something that i wish i could do-over...

here now is that email from my mom. 5 days later, she would have that 2nd severe asthma attack from which she would not recover...

Dec. 10, 2009

Dear Pepep:

Hi Pep and all. Thanks for your email we got today. Dad and I are busy preparing for EL-TS Sat - Dad the program on the computer. Got all the ingredients for Saturday for special snack in your honor. We have puto maya and native chocolate and I borrowed your peanuts to add to mine to serve on saturday.

So sorry to hear about Yvonne Cadd Everly - she's so young. Thanks for the prayer in church for Dr. Racquel. The isolation ban was lifted, nothing contagious, she can now have visitors. Dad visited her this afternoon. I didn't go because I still have a bad cold. Am taking herbal capsule for this cold and I'm feeling better this evening. I'm not "barking" too much anymore.

Praise the Lord that Phillip and Ashley are moving into their new apartment and its great that you get to help them move and also stay with them and have your own room. We thank the Lord that Ashley is feeling better. What caused the infection? Glad to know that she will finally have health insurance. Also that Erin and the boys are doing better and looking into the possibility of getting a bigger place. We are in much prayer for you all.

I still have some listerine so I'll see if I need more then I can use yours. I placed your gift to us under our Christmas tree against the wall so it has a support. Good to know about Butch Soriano and his kind words about Dad.

If you have time check out CEF store for me to get some Bible stories or Missionary stories that we could use for our Children's Church story time over here.

I'll distribute the cards on Saturday - am giving the new students our Christmas cards. We're getting a little tired but we're looking forward to a three week respite. Guess this is it for now. Our big hugs to all the little kids and love to you all. Happy Anniversary and much blessings always to you and Dan. Take care now

much love
Mom

how can you say you're a Christian?

so, we've been here almost 2 years now and since taking over my mom's responsibilities at the church & with the ministry, i'm finding out some not-very-attractive characteristics of some of the people at the church here. and it really saddens me. i don't understand how people who call themselves Christians can be so catty, gossipy & mean to other Christians? watching them yesterday, i could only shake my head and mutter under my breath, "how childish!" unfortunately for me, some of these people report to me in one way or another, so i will eventually have to confront them about their less-than-Christlike actions.

much prayer is definitely needed for this type of situation...

how are you doing?

it's been almost 2 months since my mom was promoted to glory. friends are always asking me how i'm doing and sometimes i find it hard to answer. a few days ago, a friend from college asked me in an email how i was doing. after waiting a couple days to respond, i sent her the following reply: "i'm actually doing OK -- thanks for asking. there are moments when i think about my mom that make me cry, but it's not an overwhelming grief. just a sadness that she could still be here, if only... but, i know that God's ways are beyond our comprehension and maybe if my mom had lived a little longer, she might not have gone as peacefully as she did. even in a coma, her testimony still shone through as many people told us that they had never seen a person in a coma with such a serene expression on her face. i miss the intangibles -- how she was just in the apartment below us, how she performed her duties and responsibilities in the seminary and the church with such excellence, her laughter, how she loved plants & animals... those are what make me tear up... but, other than that, i'm really doing OK. it helps to be super-busy! i really thank God for being made to plunge into taking her place as soon as the burial was over... but, if i'd had my druthers..."

when i think back on that first text message from ptr manny llamera that said my mom was back in emergency, i really didn't realize just how dire her situation was. during her hospitalization in 2008, she also was in a coma for several hours but the medical staff were able to bring her back. i think that i believed back in december that they would, once again, bring her back to us. even after i saw her in the hospital, hooked up to all the machines that were keeping her alive, it still didn't really register. it was only after i spoke with the neurologist and after the brain scan results came back that it finally hit me that my mom's condition was irreversible. but, there was always a part of me that prayed for a miracle. i believe that God can STILL perform miracles today, if He so chooses. up until she took her last breath, there was still a part of me that thought she would open her eyes, look at us and say, "why am i here again?"

my mom's cardiologist asked me if everyone had said their goodbyes. she encouraged us to tell everyone in the family to call and talk to my mom, to tell her that we loved her and that we would be OK even after she was gone. all my kids called almost immediately, even though i know it was hard for them since they were half way around the world from her. i contacted my mom's sisters who called and told her to get well and that they were praying for her. they had no idea that she had very little brain activity and only the machines were keeping her alive. but, they meant well and i really appreciated their willingness to show their love to their eldest sister.

even after everyone who wanted and needed to say goodbye to her had called, still she hung on. it was really like she was waiting for someone else. i thought it was my nephew kyle. later on, i found out that he was having difficulty getting through, but i know that my mom would have understood and she probably knew he was making the effort to reach her one more time.

when the end finally came, it was still so unexpected. although the doctors told us that that day might be her last, we were still hopeful because her heart rate was strong although her blood pressure was lower than they would have liked. a younger sister whom i have never met FINALLY got through to the hospital. i held the phone to my mom's ear and after a minute or two, asked my aunt if she was finished talking. she said yes and i thanked her for calling and hung up the phone. later on, i found that this aunt and my mom had not seen each other for more than 50 years!!

however, during the call, unbeknownst to me, because i had my back to her heart monitor, my mom's heart rate suddenly dropped down to 40-something. this caused the midwife, who had just that day started taking care of my mom, to take a sharp breath. after the call ended, she checked my mom's chest and it was very still. and just like that, my mom was taken by angels to her heavenly home and welcomed personally inside those pearly gates by her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

honestly, it didn't really register with me that she was already gone. she just went so peacefully! throughout her 19 days in the hospital, she never once lost the look of peace and serenity on her face. everyone who visited her, especially her doctors, commented that they have never seen anyone in her condition look so peaceful! remembering that look has brought me much comfort because i know that it was all of God that she was peaceful. she was ready to go. she had been ready in 2008 when she had her last asthma attack. however, God gave her one more year and then He said, "Marge, it's really time for you to come home."

God's timing and His ways are REALLY BEYOND all comprehension. i won't lie -- i would give anything to have her still here with us! i really thought she would be around for her 90th birthday -- we always thought she was such a strong woman!! there are so many things i wish i had done that might have helped keep her with us a little longer. but, i have to rest in the fact that GOD had my mom's days numbered from the very beginning of her life and He knew that she would be in heaven 27 days before her 80th birthday.

oh, i know i'll have many more moments of sadness and many tears will be shed because it's so hard to lose your mother. but i KNOW i will see her again someday and that keeps me grounded, keeps me moving forward, keeps me focused on the ministry here in cebu that she helped start with my dad. i know she would want me to pick up the baton, continue the work that she did with such efficiency and excellence, and run the race until it's my turn for the Lord to call me home.

Mom in Narnian Glory

January 29, 2010

my mom, Dr Marge Alcala Isidro, would have turned 80 today. she was so looking forward to having a birthday dinner complete with roasted turkey from the States. while i was in the states last november/ december, she kept reminding me about it. she wanted to make sure i didn't forget... i wasn't able to buy the turkey because we had to rush back after we were told she was in a coma. but, when i arrived back in cebu, i checked her freezer and she already had a turkey in there... maybe she wanted to serve 2 turkeys...! anyway, we probably won't have the turkey until november--for Thanksgiving.

we'll be at the cemetery this morning to celebrate her life and to thank God for giving her to our family for almost 56 years... i'm thankful that she was able to meet 2 of her great-grandchildren. i know she was looking forward to getting to know jonah & jaelyn. she was SO PROUD of her great-grandkids! every time she received pictures of them via email she would print a copy and post them in the EL-TS classroom for all the students to enjoy...! i like to think that she has met great-grandbaby #5 and is enjoying him/her in "Narnian glory."

"Narnian glory" is what my sister said she's written in her calendar for this day... i think my mom would have smiled at that!

thinking back...

wow! i haven't written anything here since the end of may...! there have been times when i wanted to share something, but life and responsibilities here at EL took over and before i knew it, the moment had passed and i just couldn't get back to writing at that point... oh well...

needless to say, A LOT has happened since the end of may 2009. the most significant change is the addition of jaelyn audrey lacanilao to our family. jaelyn was born @ 204pm on friday, august 7, in pomona, CA. she's a beautiful girl and we're looking forward to meeting her in november...!

jaelyn's birth got me thinking back again to when justin was in 6th grade. we had taken him for his yearly check-up with his pediatrician who came back to us with a particular concern. bottom line -- we were told that if justin did not have an operation, there might be a chance that he would not be able to have children when he was older. i remember that one of the thoughts going through my mind at the time was how would justin feel if he found out later on that we had turned our backs on a simple operation that would allow him to bear his own children? i knew that i could not do that to my only son, so we agreed to have the operation.

the operation lasted a little longer than even the doctor anticipated. during that time, of course, i was on edge, second-guessing myself if we had made the right decision for justin; envisioning worse case scenarios...! but, eventually, it was over and the doctor reported to us that the surgery was successful and justin had come through with flying colors. of course, the real test would come much later -- with the birth of justin's first child, keilah naomi. justin started 6th grade a few weeks after the operation. although still recuperating, he ran for student body president and WON, and almost 10 years later, he's a happy father with 2 beautiful daughters...!

i wish i could remember the name of justin's doctor's, so i could thank him for his care and concern for my son all those years ago...

of course, my deepest gratitude goes to God who showed His overwhelming love to us, to justin and eventually to gina, keilah & jaelyn, by giving wisdom to this kaiser doctor to find this irregularity and give justin the ability to have his own children!

medical stuff...

these past 2 months, i was brought face to face with different types of medical situations that i've never had to deal with.

the first was jonah's birth. erin had no idea that jonah would come so quickly once she went into labor, so to find herself almost fully dilated under an hour after arriving at the hospital was unnerving, to say the least. at one point, the nurses and midwife felt that the baby might come before they (and erin) were ready, so the nurse actually went into the birth canal and PUSHED jonah back in!!! i was shocked and erin was in such pain!! i mean, how would YOU feel if that happened to you?!!! and they wouldn't give her ANY pain meds cuz she was fully dilated!! i think erin was angry about that, but she was in too much pain to do anything about it...

then, when it was time for erin to push jonah out, i had to hold one of her legs apart while a nurse took hold of the other leg. that position is not pretty nor comfortable and poor erin had to stay in that position every time a contraction came... good thing, it only took three large pushes to get jonah out, but the whole time, i was aching for my daughter!! she was SO brave, but if i could have given her pain meds, you better bet i would have...!!

our next medical situation occurred a week later. at the same hospital where she gave birth, erin was admitted for a kidney infection. my poor daughter had pain in her lower back, high fever accompanied by terrible chills that shook her body for what seemed like forever!! they hooked her up to an IV with antibiotic to try and bring the infection down. but, she continued to have fever and chills and her white blood cell count continued to stay way above the normal count of 5,000 to 6,000. by mid-week, the doctors decided to do an ultrasound and a sonogram and that's when they discovered the stone that was lodged in her left ureter. surgery was performed to insert a stent and after 5 days in the hospital, erin was FINALLY allowed to return home.

mind you, all this time, she was away from jonah and that was very difficult for her!! growing up, erin was that one child who never told you if she was hurting. we would only know that something had happened to her LONG AFTER the fact. if she was a different type of person, this whole experience might have broken her, but thank God, she is a strong individual -- physically, emotionally and most especially, spiritually. i admire her even more now because of what she's endured and how she's triumphed over these adversities!

long story short... she had one relapse after that hospital stay which required another trip to urgent care, but once the kidney stone was zapped and the stent removed, erin started to feel much better and today is back to normal health! Praise God!!

this was the second time that a medical emergency touched our immediate family. i had always been thankful that none of my kids, dan or i had ever had a medical emergency (except for my C-section). but, that all changed with josiah.

that first big medical situation for us was when josiah was less than a year old and we were on babysitting duty. erin had just left to get ready to go out for her birthday celebration when, all of a sudden, josiah just started convulsing in my arms!! i had NO idea what to do!! he wouldn't stop shaking. of course, i called 911 immediately! Thank God for 911!!! the 911 operator guided me through the initial step of taking off all of josiah's clothes, except for his diaper. while i was doing this, 2 fire trucks, an ambulance, the paramedic and the police rushed into the house and took over. they were at our house in under 5 minutes!!

i felt SO helpless when i saw them pick up josiah and take him into the ambulance!! i had NO idea what had just happened because nothing like that had ever happened to any of my kids...!! josiah was taken to huntington memorial in pasadena. erin and joe had to cancel the birthday celebration. the whole family kept vigil in the waiting lounge for 3 hours while they stabilized josiah. it made me sad to see him hooked up to an IV, but he needed to be hydrated and his temperature needed to be controlled... he was a very brave little boy!!

only later did i find out that this happened to joe several times when he was a baby. josiah's body temp was over 100 and his body was doing what it needed in order to counteract the high fever. that's why he was convulsing! until josiah turns 6, we have to watch him carefully and make sure that he doesn't get too hot. Praise God, josiah has not had an attack for a couple of years now...

another medical scare for us was when gina was told by her doctor that the blood test she took before she left for cebu in march showed that baby #2 has downs syndrome!! first of all, gina's only 23 (24 in july) and older women getting pregnant are more at risk of having a downs syndrome baby than someone in their early 20's. second, the doctor should not have made gina take the blood test TOO early. they insisted on it because she was leaving for cebu and would not be in the states when the test is normally administered. third, when gina re-took the test after returning from cebu, the results that time were negative. of course, we praise God for that, but we could have all been spared the added anxiety.

but, maybe, that was the lesson we needed to learn: to really turn our eyes and our hearts to God and ask for His intervention during the time that we thought the baby had downs syndrome. we prayed for a miracle on the baby's behalf and we also prayed that God would give us His peace in the event that this baby would have down's. we knew that we would love and care for this baby even if she had down's, despite the doctor's recommendation that the pregnancy should be terminated if the results were conclusive. we know that God would never put us in a situation that we wouldn't be able to handle with His help... i know He was pleased with our reaction to this possible situation.

of course, everyone around us are having their own medical scare. just last week, i received word that the wife of one of our seminary graduates had been admitted to a nearby hospital for an aneurysm. i know those can be fatal, so i was very concerned and texted him to tell him we were praying for his wife. a few days after hearing this news, her husband called and provided me with information that scared me even more. apparently, his wife, who was in manila at the time, had "Transient global amnesia." according to one medical site, this is "A temporary loss of all memory, but it particularly affects the ability to form new memories (severe anterograde amnesia), with milder loss of past memories (retrograde amnesia) going back a few hours. It is rare and is most common among older persons with vascular disease." Wikipedia says: "The cause of this syndrome is not clear, hypotheses include transient reduced blood flow, possible seizure or an atypical type of migraine." her transient global amnesia lasted for several days when no one knew where she was until she made an ATM withdrawal...!

another long story short, because of her amnesia, tests were done upon her return to cebu during which they discovered the aneurysm. a procedure called coiling was performed and it was during this procedure that the doctor also discovered that the aneurysm was starting to leak. WOW!! if not for the amnesia, they would have never found the leaking aneurysm... this was truly all GOD!!

so, what's my takeaway from all this? first of all, it's the fact that a medical situation could happen to anyone at anytime. second, if we're taking medication for any medical condition, we should take those meds religiously. more often than not, they will save our lives. third, if God puts us in a medical situation, read up on it and know the whys, whats, the new medical procedures being done, etc. i don't believe i can ever be under-informed about anything, type A personality that i am... fourth, always trust in God's divine plan and will for our lives. that's a comfort that i will always bank on, no matter what the situation!!