TRUST...

until 2 years ago, i had never had to deal with this. so, it was very sad for me when things went south in our previous life and people who i thought were my friends but who had heard things that were said about me NEVER ONCE came to me to ask if what they had been told was true. NO ONE took the time or made the effort to ask my side of the issue. it was very hurtful and it took me a long time to recover from that sense of loss and betrayal.

but, 2 years later, i realize now that those people who i thought were my friends were really NOT. they were closer to the people who were saying those untrue and unkind things about me, so it makes sense that they would accept what was being said -- hook, line and sinker -- without coming to me to see if what they were hearing was true or not.

and, like the graphic below states so clearly, the absence of trust with regard to those people is like the wall of china for me. and that's because i don't need people like that in my life. they are TOXIC!! i will forever keep them at arm's length (or longer!) and will never trust them with anything having to do with my life ever again.

it's a sad reality, but that's just the way it's going to be from now on -- for me with them... they were never true friends to begin with and it's better that they are no longer in my life... 

WORDS OF WISDOM...

someone shared this on Facebook and i just had to re-post it here because this is really true!! and because i'm blessed to be married to someone who knows the importance of being there for me -- in sickness and in health!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Kevin A. Thompson's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

"In sickness and in health."

On two occasions I have said those words with the full confidence that the couple repeating those words actually knew what they meant.

The first occurrence brought a smile to my face. She had endured and marriage was her reward on the other side of illness. Together they have journeyed through the struggles of a serious disease as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now they would be husband and wife. They knew what "in sickness and in health" meant.

The second occurrence brought a tear to my eye. She had weeks to live. The vow renewal was his gift to her. I almost cut the words fearing they might be too painful. But with a crowd gathered I included them as a testimony to all who would hear them say, "in sickness and in health." They meant it and everyone knew it.

Few people consider sickness and suffering when picking a mate.

They consider how the other person might look in the morning or what bad habits they might have.

They consider what offspring they could produce or what extended family they might bring to the reunion.

Yet few people ever consider what is a vital question — can I suffer with this person?

It sounds like the beginning of another marriage joke, but it's not.

It's a real question and one which should be explored by every dating couple.

Suffering is a part of life.

And the older a person gets, the more we realize that suffering is not a rare occurrence, but is a common aspect of our lives.

Sorrow comes in many forms, yet it is guaranteed to come.

BEWARE: Not everyone suffers well.

Some live in denial — unable to confront the deep realities of life.

Some live in despair — unable to recognize the convergence of laughter and tears.

Few have the grace to suffer well.

Those who do suffer well are a well-spring of life and faith.

Who do you want holding your hand when the test says "cancer?"
On whose shoulder do you want to lean when the doctor says, "We've done all we can?"
With whom do you want to lay beside when you don't know where your child is or if they will ever come home?
When your world turns upside down, in whose eyes do you want to look?
Find someone who suffers well.
I know it doesn't seem important when life is perfect.

A beautiful smile is far more attractive than a quiet determination.

A common interest is far more appealing than internal strength.

Yet when life falls apart, you want someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from.

You want someone who believes in you.
You want someone who instills faith, not causes doubt.
You want someone who hopes no matter the circumstances.
In the Bible, Job's wife responded to his suffering by saying, "Curse God and die."
Had he not suffered enough?

Was life not difficult enough?

Enduring hardship was enough, yet Job was also forced to rebuke his wife during his time of struggle.

Life is hard enough; there is no need to make it harder.

Choosing a spouse who does not suffer well makes life harder.

It makes every grief stronger.

It makes every sorrow more painful.

It makes every hurt deeper.

Yet,

when our spouse knows how to suffer,

when they don't live in denial, but confront the sorrows of life,

when they don't live in despair but know how to laugh and cry at the same time,

when they offer support and hope in all of life's challenges,

when they can see the big picture of life,

then,

every grief is wedded to hope

every sorrow is matched with love

and every hurt is paired with healing.

One of the great guarantees of life is that every person, every couple, will suffer. When choosing a mate, choose someone who suffers well and you will never be sorry.

Kevin A. Thompson is Lead Pastor of Community Bible Church, a multi-site church in Fort Smith, AR. He currently writes a daily blog focusing on leadership, marriage, and parenting (specifically parenting a child with special needs). Along with his wife, Kevin is co-owner of JThompsonMMC, a full service media and marketing company based in Fort Smith. He is a graduate of Beeson Divinity School of Samford University and Oklahoma Baptist University.

EXPECTANCY

"Let us not be weary in doing the good..."

i wrote the email below to a dear friend who is also a pastor who's been getting somewhat frustrated with what's happening in the church. i re-read it again today and, i have to say, i even surprised myself at what i wrote!! it's because of that that i decided to put it here on my blog so i would remember these for myself for those times when i will also feel frustrated or upset or disappointed with the folks i am working alongside in the ministry. we should expect to be frustrated, upset, disappointed, but the point is NOT to let it deter us from the goal that the Lord has given to us -- whatever ministry we're in! it's important to keep our eyes fixed firmly on the Lord and Him alone, especially when it comes to the ministry!!

hi, ptr! when i received your messages about how you were feeling, i was very disturbed. i wrote my response a few days ago, but wanted to let it sit for awhile before sending it to you. i hope you will understand where i'm coming from because i'm very concerned.

the verse that sprung to mind when i first read your messages was Galatians 6:9 & 10--"And let us not be weary in doing the good: for in its own time we shall reap, by not fainting. As we therefore have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to the household of faith."

so, regarding what you wrote, here's what came to mind:
• we shouldn’t look at the people. instead, we should Look at the Lord.
• People will always disappoint.
• People will always be late to church.
• People will always have an excuse NOT to help with the work of the church.
• It’s always the same people who do ALL the work. Example: CE teachers who also help with VBS, year in and year out.
• We can’t force them to change. The desire has to come from within the person.
• SOLUTION: We need to educate our church folks.
• We need to encourage them when they DO help.
• We need to MAKE THEM CARE about their church and the ministry that’s been entrusted to them.
• There will always be people who are enthusiastic about the church’s ministry and the Lord’s work.
• There will always be people who are NOT.
• For those who are, THANK them for their dedication and commitment. Show them appreciation on a regular basis, not just once a year (at Christmas).
• But, we should NEVER allow the devil’s tools of discouragement, anger, and disillusionment get us off-track.
• The example of the Apostle Paul should be one we need to follow. He was single-minded in his ministry. Despite being imprisoned, tortured, laughed at, not believed, he never lost his focus. So, even if our church members lose their focus or don’t even have their focus on helping with the ministry, those of us who have this drive to do the Lord’s work must NEVER lose our focus! We need to keep working until either the Lord returns or He takes us home!
• When I start feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I’m doing ALL the work (a lie that the devil tries to convince me is the truth), I always have to remind myself that my job is NOT to earn the praise of men. It isn’t to bring glory to myself, but to return all the glory back to the Lord. I have to remind myself that I’m not here to please MEN, but to please God. My job here on earth is to BE FAITHFUL to the work that God has entrusted to me. When my focus is turned back on God where it rightly belongs, all those other issues and complaints about people who aren’t pulling their weight or helping with the ministry go away. And the joy that I need to have in order to do the Lord’s work properly will return.
• Despite the church backgrounds of the people attending our church, we should not hold that against them. Instead, we should EDUCATE them, TRAIN them, help them to WANT to be involved, to use their God-given gifts/talents to move the church forward.
• For me, as a pastor’s kid, I was in MANY churches starting from when I was still in the womb! The first church I remember becoming involved in was Caloocan Bible Church. Then, there was North Suburban Evangelical Free Church in Deerfield, IL (attender only). Then, back to Caloocan, followed by Lake Zurich Evangelical Free Church. There was EL Church-Pasadena, Pilipino Christian Church in Long Beach, Lake Avenue Congregational Church (attender only), EL Church-Forest Hills, back to EL Church-Pasadena, then now, Church of the Open Door (attender only).
• No matter what church I was at, the issues were the same: some people were very enthusiastic about being involved and others were not. Some were very lazy about their commitment to the Lord and His ministry; some were not. It’s really “the nature of the beast” because it all boils down to the sin nature that all human beings still carry with them. But, the desire to help the church NEEDS to come from their hearts; we can’t force it on them; we can’t make them do it! But, if they don’t have that desire, we should not allow it to deter or discourage us. We should just keep plugging along because we know it’s the right thing to do and it’s what will please God which should be our primary goal anyway.
• Remember also that we ALL come with BAGGAGE, whether it’s to a marriage, a friendship, and, most especially, to a CHURCH. NO ONE is exempt from baggage because that’s how life is. Therefore, we need to be more kind and understanding about the personal situation of our church members/ attenders.
• But, we must also remember that no matter how much we try to help someone care about being involved with the church’s ministry, that individual needs to come to that realization himself/herself. The issue is really between him/her and God. We do what we can but, in the end, it’s up to them to have that desire within themselves to be involved.
• We can also remind them of the Lord’s words in Matthew 9:37 & 38--"The harvest truly is great, but the workers are few; Pray therefore that the Lord of the harvest may send workers into his harvest."
• But, if, after all the encouragement and pleadings, they STILL don’t, we must NOT hold it against them. We should just pray for them and leave it up to the Lord.
• There’s nothing that will drive someone away from the church and even from the Lord than our condemnation or disapproval because we feel that they are not contributing to the ministry.
• Remember, only the LORD can place that desire in their hearts. If they resist His call, it’s their loss and they will have to answer to the Lord for that resistance/decision.

looking forward to discussing this more with you...

from Pastor Ed Underwood's blog
December 1, 2013
How God Is Answering One of My Most Desperate Prayers

In my fiftieth year, I almost died. One simple prayer inundated the throne of grace as thousands of friends asked God to “please let Ed live and serve.” I tell about it in my book When God Breaks Your Heart. I believe that prayer saved my life that night.
I was so impressed with the power of that prayer that I began uttering other one-sentence prayers that expressed my earnest desires. Since the doctors told me I didn’t have long to live, I searched the Scriptures for ideas that came from the lips of great men and women of faith.
Psalm 90 was precious to me during the weeks that we were begging for my life. I couldn’t help crying every time I thought about my grandchildren growing up without me. There was so much i wanted to tell them, so many truths I had learned through a life of walking with Jesus. Psalm 90:16 captured my concern: “May your servants see your work! May their sons see your majesty!”
That was exactly what I wanted, so I crafted another one sentence prayer: Father, please give me influence in my grandchildren’s life. There was no medical evidence that I would live and I had no idea how God might answer. I just prayed it. And prayed it. And prayed it. I’ve prayed it every day of my life since those desperate weeks in 2000, and several times each day.
Last week was a snapshot of how God is answering that desperate prayer. This is a picture of my daughter Aimee’s children–Jackson, Megan, and Camryn. Camryn was born a few weeks after I almost died. Here they are, thirteen years later, at one of our favorite places on earth, Cannon Beach, Oregon. I travel to Cannon Beach every year to teach the Bible. These three moved to Oregon a few years after I prayed that prayer. We cried when they moved away from Southern California. Now we look forward to spending awesome Thanksgivings with them every year. We talk about their lives and spoil them without shame.

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT DESPERATE PRAYERS THAT ARE PRECIOUS TO OUR HEAVENLY FATHER.

Most of our prayers go unnoticed by the world and even by us. We ask for something, move on, and ask for some more stuff. But they’re never ignored by our God. And the more desperate they are, the more He wants us to make sure we know He’s listening
So, what are you asking for today? I recommend you state it in one-sentence and just keep praying it.

SO, here's my desperate one-sentence prayer for the month of december and until God answers it: LORD, PLEASE OPEN THE EYES AND HEART OF MY DAD SO THAT HE CAN SEE THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING IN HIS LIFE AND HIS MINISTRY!! Thank You in advance for your answer to this prayer, Lord! In Jesus' name... AMEN!

this ties in so nicely with my most recent post...

A God-Sized Dreamer's Prayer

God, your thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8)
What you have planned for me is beyond all I can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:19-20)
Yet you have also promised to reveal it to me through your Spirit (1 Corinthians 2:8-10)
So I open my heart, mind, and life to more of you--to whatever you have for me.

Where there is ongoing fear in my life, please replace it with faith.
Where there is a desire to hold back, give me the strength to move forward.
Where there is a desert, lead me into the Promised Land you have prepared for me.

I embrace that my part is to pray, plan, and, most of all, seek you.
And yours is to get me where you want me to go (Proverbs 16:9 and 19:21)
Wherever that is, that's where I want to be, too.
Because there's no better place in this world or the next than with you (Psalm 84:10)

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth (especially my little corner of it) as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10)

In Your name, Amen.

An excerpt by Holley Gerth, from her new devotional, "Opening Your Door To Your God-Sized Dreams"

Homeless… for now

It’s been almost one year since we returned to the States after being in Cebu for 4-1/2 years. It wasn’t our original intention to stay this long, but events in Cebu have brought us to this point. So, we’re here in the States for an indefinite period of time as we wait on the Lord to show us what His next steps are for us.

Along these lines, a few days ago, my husband and I were discussing our present situation. He mentioned that he’s angry and hurt that we’re homeless, and not of our own choosing. We were joking that everything we own can fit into our 2 cars, so, essentially, we have our choice of “living” in either the white Mitsubishi Lancer or the green Toyota 4-Runner!! For the past 3 months, we sleep on a couch in Justin’s living room during the weekdays and in either Ashley’s or Erin’s spare bedroom during the week-ends. When we think about our present living situation, it really can make us tear up, if we allow the sadness of our situation to overwhelm us…!

It wasn’t always like this, however… In mid-2008, we obeyed the Lord’s call to go to Cebu to help out with the ministry there. We packed all our personal belongings into a 20ft container and shipped them over to Cebu. At that time, my parents had assured us that the apartment which had been built on the 3rd floor of the EL Ministry compound and to which we had contributed $37,000 would always be our home. My mom, especially, knew how important it was for us to have a place we could call our own since we had given up everything to obey the Lord’s call, including a nice home in Pasadena, great jobs which paid us well so that we could live comfortably, our friends, our children & grandchildren. For 4 years, we had no cause to be concerned that this sentiment would change. Alas, however, it did.

But, let me backtrack… When we moved to Cebu, we had no motive except to follow God’s call and to be of use to Him and the ministry there in any way possible. Not many people know that while we were overseas, we lived off of our small pensions. Extended family members were always surprised to learn that we were not paid a salary for all the responsibilities we were given in Cebu. For the first 2 years, we were involved with the church—Dan as the only elder with preaching/teaching responsibilities and me with the Music Department & CE—and with the Seminary (EL-TS)—Dan taught some under-graduate classes and I assisted my Mom, the late Dr Marge Isidro, as assistant Dean, as well as helping the masteral students with their thesis which they needed to complete in order to graduate. When my Mom went home to be with the Lord in January 2010, my responsibilities doubled; I was assigned to take over everything that my Mom had been doing. Added to my plate was the position of CE Dean for EL Church-Forest Hills, becoming the Dean for EL-TS, teaching all my Mom’s CE classes, and supervising ELIM TEKNON School. I was still heavily involved with the church’s Music ministry—playing the piano for worship services, directing the youth and adult choirs. Aside for all this, I was also watching out for my Dad to make sure he was OK and being well-taken care of by the relatives who were living in his house, cooking for him and keeping his house neat and clean. I helped him with the editing of his writings—The Isidro Annotated New Testament, the Isidro Annotated Old Testament, his “Spiritual Birth and Christian Nurture” (Discipleship) book, his pamphlet on refuting the teachings of Apollo C. Quiboloy, his various salvation and evangelism tracts, as well as retyping and reformatting the class materials for all his EL-TS classes. It was a heavy load but, with God’s grace and His strength, I was able to handle everything that was given to me.

Then, my Dad decided to remarry in late 2012 and everything changed. Dan and I felt strongly that his new wife was cut from a very different cloth from my mom and that she was not of the same high caliber and standard of someone who should become the wife of the Bishop and head of EL Ministries. My mom was the most intelligent person I have ever known, but she always put the needs of my Dad and the ministry ahead of herself. She was willing to labor behind the scenes and did not want to take any credit or glory for herself. So, imagine my dismay when my Dad married someone who was a full 180 removed from my Mom and her view of ministry and servanthood. Unfortunately, when we voiced our concerns to my Dad that he should take his time to really get to know this woman first before marrying her (because we felt that he only knew what she had told him about herself) and that she should not live in his home before their wedding, he did not take it well (to put it mildly!) and accused us of being insubordinate (among other terms). Dan & I were only saying this out of our love and concern for my Dad and our concern for the ministry. But, my Dad chose to look at it differently. Of course, wife #2 disliked us for trying to make my Dad really think through his decision to marry her. On the very day that we left for the States in October 2012, she began her campaign to erase any memory of my Mom from the church and the seminary. All the pictures of my Mom posing with members of the church down through the years which were displayed in the church’s fellowship hall were taken down. The latest insult to my Mom’s memory, as stated by one of the church members to my Dad, was the “intentional, willful premeditated defacement of our church Hymnal Book which we considered a beautiful, valuable legacy of Dr. Marge. It is [the] personal property of the church and the church appropriated Php 25 thousand [for them]. It is the only remaining memory that connects us to the unspeakable spiritual influence that she has impacted on [our] Christian life…”

In May 2013, we received a letter from my Dad telling us that we were no longer welcome in Cebu. We were shocked and very sad to read his reasons for not wanting us back. At the time, I was dealing with depression caused by the unkind and unjust things my Dad had said to us before we left Cebu. Plus, I was also grieving for the loss of my Mom, something that I hadn’t done after she died because I had been too busy to truly grieve. We decided, however, not to write a formal rebuttal to my Dad, but we were deeply hurt by the injustice and the lies that were mentioned which he used as justification to kick us out of Cebu. We know that most of the words we read were really coming from his 2nd wife who is really the one who wanted us out of Cebu, but we felt very sad that he didn’t have the strength to stand up for us, especially me, his own flesh and blood.

Later on, someone asked us this follow-up question: Does he have the right to kick us out of a ministry to which God has called us? The answer is No. He is not our boss; God is. He NEVER paid us a salary for the work that we did there. As a matter of fact, we used our own money to fix up the Seminary Library, to buy computer equipment, to buy an air conditioner and other items/equipment to help improve the physical aspects of the ministry. So, we did not refute my Dad’s accusations against us because we know that God is with us. God knows our hearts. He knows that our intention when we moved our lives to Cebu was only to be used of Him to further His kingdom. If God’s plan for us now is to stay in the States, we will follow Him and just trust that He knows what’s doing. So, even though it hurts to realize that we really are homeless right now, God has continued to provide for our needs. He has not forsaken us. He will reveal His next plan for us; we just have to wait patiently for it.

Back in June, we heard this wonderful message on 2 Corinthians from Pastor Ed Underwood of Church of the Open Door where we currently attend. This message brought such peace and comfort to our hearts, even though I was crying through most of the message! Here’s Pastor Ed’s summary of 2 Corinthians:
From this letter you will discover the two overarching truths all who serve Christ by pouring into others know: The expectation of suffering and the anticipation of glory. If you’re willing to pay the price of suffering for Christ, God will give you a front row seat to see His glorious power working in this world.
Don’t underestimate the pain of ministering in the name of Christ!
1. Expect trials and tribulations (2 or 4:8-15; 11:16-33)
2. Expect opposition (2 Cor 11:1-15)
3. Expect Satanic attack (2 Cor 4:1-7)
4. Expect to have to give your money and ask for the money of others (2 Cor 8-9)
5. Expect to be misunderstood and falsely accused (2 Cor 10:1-18)
Don’t underestimate the privilege of ministering in the name of Christ!
1. Expect the wonder of being used to change lives (2 Cor 3:1-5)
2. Know that you are ministers of an awesomely New Covenant (2 Cor 3:6-18)
3. Experience the power of Christ pulsating through your body, this “container” (2 Cor 4:1-8)
4. Experience the exhilaration of living by faith as an ambassador of Christ (2 Cor 5:1-21)
5. Anticipate your reward at Christ’s judgment seat (2 Cor 5:9-11)

Through the trials and challenges of the past year, we have learned that if you’re serving Christ, you are Satan’s worst enemy! We also have been assured that Christ appreciates our ministry! The magnitude of service for God eclipses the pain we might have to go through. This is why we are willing to say to God, “I am willing to endure the pain, if you’ll grant me the privilege of serving in Your Name.”