this ties in so nicely with my most recent post...

A God-Sized Dreamer's Prayer

God, your thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8)
What you have planned for me is beyond all I can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:19-20)
Yet you have also promised to reveal it to me through your Spirit (1 Corinthians 2:8-10)
So I open my heart, mind, and life to more of you--to whatever you have for me.

Where there is ongoing fear in my life, please replace it with faith.
Where there is a desire to hold back, give me the strength to move forward.
Where there is a desert, lead me into the Promised Land you have prepared for me.

I embrace that my part is to pray, plan, and, most of all, seek you.
And yours is to get me where you want me to go (Proverbs 16:9 and 19:21)
Wherever that is, that's where I want to be, too.
Because there's no better place in this world or the next than with you (Psalm 84:10)

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth (especially my little corner of it) as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10)

In Your name, Amen.

An excerpt by Holley Gerth, from her new devotional, "Opening Your Door To Your God-Sized Dreams"

Homeless… for now

It’s been almost one year since we returned to the States after being in Cebu for 4-1/2 years. It wasn’t our original intention to stay this long, but events in Cebu have brought us to this point. So, we’re here in the States for an indefinite period of time as we wait on the Lord to show us what His next steps are for us.

Along these lines, a few days ago, my husband and I were discussing our present situation. He mentioned that he’s angry and hurt that we’re homeless, and not of our own choosing. We were joking that everything we own can fit into our 2 cars, so, essentially, we have our choice of “living” in either the white Mitsubishi Lancer or the green Toyota 4-Runner!! For the past 3 months, we sleep on a couch in Justin’s living room during the weekdays and in either Ashley’s or Erin’s spare bedroom during the week-ends. When we think about our present living situation, it really can make us tear up, if we allow the sadness of our situation to overwhelm us…!

It wasn’t always like this, however… In mid-2008, we obeyed the Lord’s call to go to Cebu to help out with the ministry there. We packed all our personal belongings into a 20ft container and shipped them over to Cebu. At that time, my parents had assured us that the apartment which had been built on the 3rd floor of the EL Ministry compound and to which we had contributed $37,000 would always be our home. My mom, especially, knew how important it was for us to have a place we could call our own since we had given up everything to obey the Lord’s call, including a nice home in Pasadena, great jobs which paid us well so that we could live comfortably, our friends, our children & grandchildren. For 4 years, we had no cause to be concerned that this sentiment would change. Alas, however, it did.

But, let me backtrack… When we moved to Cebu, we had no motive except to follow God’s call and to be of use to Him and the ministry there in any way possible. Not many people know that while we were overseas, we lived off of our small pensions. Extended family members were always surprised to learn that we were not paid a salary for all the responsibilities we were given in Cebu. For the first 2 years, we were involved with the church—Dan as the only elder with preaching/teaching responsibilities and me with the Music Department & CE—and with the Seminary (EL-TS)—Dan taught some under-graduate classes and I assisted my Mom, the late Dr Marge Isidro, as assistant Dean, as well as helping the masteral students with their thesis which they needed to complete in order to graduate. When my Mom went home to be with the Lord in January 2010, my responsibilities doubled; I was assigned to take over everything that my Mom had been doing. Added to my plate was the position of CE Dean for EL Church-Forest Hills, becoming the Dean for EL-TS, teaching all my Mom’s CE classes, and supervising ELIM TEKNON School. I was still heavily involved with the church’s Music ministry—playing the piano for worship services, directing the youth and adult choirs. Aside for all this, I was also watching out for my Dad to make sure he was OK and being well-taken care of by the relatives who were living in his house, cooking for him and keeping his house neat and clean. I helped him with the editing of his writings—The Isidro Annotated New Testament, the Isidro Annotated Old Testament, his “Spiritual Birth and Christian Nurture” (Discipleship) book, his pamphlet on refuting the teachings of Apollo C. Quiboloy, his various salvation and evangelism tracts, as well as retyping and reformatting the class materials for all his EL-TS classes. It was a heavy load but, with God’s grace and His strength, I was able to handle everything that was given to me.

Then, my Dad decided to remarry in late 2012 and everything changed. Dan and I felt strongly that his new wife was cut from a very different cloth from my mom and that she was not of the same high caliber and standard of someone who should become the wife of the Bishop and head of EL Ministries. My mom was the most intelligent person I have ever known, but she always put the needs of my Dad and the ministry ahead of herself. She was willing to labor behind the scenes and did not want to take any credit or glory for herself. So, imagine my dismay when my Dad married someone who was a full 180 removed from my Mom and her view of ministry and servanthood. Unfortunately, when we voiced our concerns to my Dad that he should take his time to really get to know this woman first before marrying her (because we felt that he only knew what she had told him about herself) and that she should not live in his home before their wedding, he did not take it well (to put it mildly!) and accused us of being insubordinate (among other terms). Dan & I were only saying this out of our love and concern for my Dad and our concern for the ministry. But, my Dad chose to look at it differently. Of course, wife #2 disliked us for trying to make my Dad really think through his decision to marry her. On the very day that we left for the States in October 2012, she began her campaign to erase any memory of my Mom from the church and the seminary. All the pictures of my Mom posing with members of the church down through the years which were displayed in the church’s fellowship hall were taken down. The latest insult to my Mom’s memory, as stated by one of the church members to my Dad, was the “intentional, willful premeditated defacement of our church Hymnal Book which we considered a beautiful, valuable legacy of Dr. Marge. It is [the] personal property of the church and the church appropriated Php 25 thousand [for them]. It is the only remaining memory that connects us to the unspeakable spiritual influence that she has impacted on [our] Christian life…”

In May 2013, we received a letter from my Dad telling us that we were no longer welcome in Cebu. We were shocked and very sad to read his reasons for not wanting us back. At the time, I was dealing with depression caused by the unkind and unjust things my Dad had said to us before we left Cebu. Plus, I was also grieving for the loss of my Mom, something that I hadn’t done after she died because I had been too busy to truly grieve. We decided, however, not to write a formal rebuttal to my Dad, but we were deeply hurt by the injustice and the lies that were mentioned which he used as justification to kick us out of Cebu. We know that most of the words we read were really coming from his 2nd wife who is really the one who wanted us out of Cebu, but we felt very sad that he didn’t have the strength to stand up for us, especially me, his own flesh and blood.

Later on, someone asked us this follow-up question: Does he have the right to kick us out of a ministry to which God has called us? The answer is No. He is not our boss; God is. He NEVER paid us a salary for the work that we did there. As a matter of fact, we used our own money to fix up the Seminary Library, to buy computer equipment, to buy an air conditioner and other items/equipment to help improve the physical aspects of the ministry. So, we did not refute my Dad’s accusations against us because we know that God is with us. God knows our hearts. He knows that our intention when we moved our lives to Cebu was only to be used of Him to further His kingdom. If God’s plan for us now is to stay in the States, we will follow Him and just trust that He knows what’s doing. So, even though it hurts to realize that we really are homeless right now, God has continued to provide for our needs. He has not forsaken us. He will reveal His next plan for us; we just have to wait patiently for it.

Back in June, we heard this wonderful message on 2 Corinthians from Pastor Ed Underwood of Church of the Open Door where we currently attend. This message brought such peace and comfort to our hearts, even though I was crying through most of the message! Here’s Pastor Ed’s summary of 2 Corinthians:
From this letter you will discover the two overarching truths all who serve Christ by pouring into others know: The expectation of suffering and the anticipation of glory. If you’re willing to pay the price of suffering for Christ, God will give you a front row seat to see His glorious power working in this world.
Don’t underestimate the pain of ministering in the name of Christ!
1. Expect trials and tribulations (2 or 4:8-15; 11:16-33)
2. Expect opposition (2 Cor 11:1-15)
3. Expect Satanic attack (2 Cor 4:1-7)
4. Expect to have to give your money and ask for the money of others (2 Cor 8-9)
5. Expect to be misunderstood and falsely accused (2 Cor 10:1-18)
Don’t underestimate the privilege of ministering in the name of Christ!
1. Expect the wonder of being used to change lives (2 Cor 3:1-5)
2. Know that you are ministers of an awesomely New Covenant (2 Cor 3:6-18)
3. Experience the power of Christ pulsating through your body, this “container” (2 Cor 4:1-8)
4. Experience the exhilaration of living by faith as an ambassador of Christ (2 Cor 5:1-21)
5. Anticipate your reward at Christ’s judgment seat (2 Cor 5:9-11)

Through the trials and challenges of the past year, we have learned that if you’re serving Christ, you are Satan’s worst enemy! We also have been assured that Christ appreciates our ministry! The magnitude of service for God eclipses the pain we might have to go through. This is why we are willing to say to God, “I am willing to endure the pain, if you’ll grant me the privilege of serving in Your Name.”

sharing: from Dr Albert Mohler

“And Them That Mourn” — Celebrating Christmas in the Face of Grief and Death
Monday, December 24, 2012

Families across the Christian world are gathering for Christmas even now, with caravans of cars and planeloads of passengers headed to hearth and home. Christmas comes once again, filled with the joy, expectation, and sentiment of the season. It is a time for children, who fill homes with energy, excitement, and sheer joy. And it is a time for the aged, who cherish Christmas memories drawn from decades of Christmas celebrations. Even in an age of mobility, families do their best to gather as extended clans, drawn by the call of Christmas.

And yet, the sentiment and joy of the season is often accompanied by very different emotions and memories. At some point, every Christian home is invaded by the pressing memory of loved ones who can no longer gather — of empty chairs and empty arms, and aching hearts. For some, the grief is fresh, suffering the death of one who was so very present at the Christmas gathering last year, but is now among the saints resting in Christ. For others, it is the grief of a loss suffered long ago. We grieve the absence of parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and siblings. Some, with a grief almost too great to bear, suffer the heartbreak that comes with the death of a child.

For all of us, the knowledge of recent events of unspeakable horror and the murder of young children make us think of so many homes with such overwhelming grief.

Is Christmas also for those who grieve? Such a question would perplex those who experienced the events that night in humble Bethelehem and those who followed Christ throughout his earthly ministry. Christmas is especially for those who grieve.

The Apostle Paul, writing to the Galatians, reminds us of the fact that we are born as slaves to sin. “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.” [Galatians 4:4] Out of darkness, came light. As the prophet Isaiah foretold, “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who walk in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined.” [Isaiah 9:2]

This same Christ is the Messiah who, as Isaiah declared, “has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” [Isaiah 53:4] He fully identifies with and shares all our afflictions, and he came that we might know the only rescue from death, sorrow, grief, and sin.

The baby Jesus was born into a world of grief, suffering, and loss. The meaning of his incarnation was recognized by the aged Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, who prophesied that God had acted to save his people, “because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” [Luke 1:78-79]

There are so many Christians who, even now, are suffering the grief that feels very much like the shadow of death. How can they celebrate Christmas, and how might we celebrate with them?

In 1918, a special service was written for the choir of King’s College at Britain’s Cambridge University. The “Service of Nine Lessons and Carols” was first read and sung in the magnificent chapel of King’s College in that same year, establishing what is now a venerable Christmas tradition. In the “Bidding Prayer” prepared to call the congregation together for that beautiful service, the great truths of Christmas are declared in unforgettable prose:

Beloved in Christ, be it this Christmastide our care and delight to hear again the message of the angels, and in heart and mind to go even unto Bethlehem and see this thing which is come to pass, and the Babe lying in a manger.

Therefore let us read and mark in Holy Scripture the tale of the loving purposes of God from the first days of our disobedience unto the glorious Redemption brought us by this Holy Child.

But first, let us pray for the needs of the whole world; for peace on earth and goodwill among all his people; for unity and brotherhood within the Church he came to build, and especially in this city.

And because this of all things would rejoice his heart, let us remember, in his name, the poor and helpless, the cold, the hungry, and the oppressed; the sick and them that mourn, the lonely and the unloved, the aged and the little children; all those who know not the Lord Jesus, or who love him not, or who by sin have grieved his heart of love.

On the very evening of the celebration of Christ’s birth, Christians are called to remember, in Christ’s name, the poor and the helpless, the cold and the hungry, the oppressed and the sick, the lonely and the unloved, the aged and the children, those who do not know Christ, “and them that mourn.”

The church is filled with those who, while not grieving as others grieve, bear grief as Christians who miss their loved ones, who cherish their memories, and who wonder at times how to think of such grief at Christmas. Far too many homes are filled with them that mourn.

And it will be so until Christ comes again. The great truth of Christmas is that the Father so loves the world that he sent his own Son to assume human flesh and to dwell among us, to die for our sins and to suffer for our iniquity, and to declare that the kingdom of God is at hand. This same Jesus was raised from the dead on the third day, conquering death and sin. There is salvation, full pardon from sin, and life everlasting to those who believe and trust in him.

Christmas is especially for those who mourn and suffer grief, for the message of Christmas is nothing less than the death of death in the death and resurrection of Christ.

And them that mourn. Christmas is especially for those bearing grief and sorrow. Our joy is hindered temporarily by the loss we have suffered, even as we know that those who are in Christ are promised everlasting life. We know that even now they are with Christ, for to be absent from the body is to the present with the Lord.

Christians bear a particular responsibility to surround fellow believers with this confidence, and to minister Christmas joy and love to those bearing griefs. We stand together in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, declaring with the Apostle Paul that nothing, not even death, can separate us from the love of God. We bind one another’s hearts, respect one another’s tears, and remind one another of the blessed hope. For, it was Christ himself who promised that our “sorrow will turn into joy.” [John 16:20] When we sing Christmas carols and read the great Christmas texts of the Bible, we hurl the message of life over death against the Evil One and death, who meet their ultimate defeat in Christ.

That Bidding Prayer written for King’s College, Cambridge, in 1918 draws to a close with words that speak so powerfully to the Church about these very truths:

“Lastly, let us remember before God all those who rejoice with us, but upon another shore, and in a greater light, that multitude which no man can number, whose hope was in the Word made flesh, and with whom in the Lord Jesus we are for ever one.”

Those words are exactly right. Those who have gone before us to be with the Lord are with us in Christmas joy. They rejoice with us, “but upon another shore, and in a greater light.” Our loved ones in Christ are in that unnumbered multitude “whose hope was in the Word made flesh.” The great truth of Christmas is shouted in the face of death when we declare that, even now, “in the Lord Jesus we are forever one.”

Your loved one was not created and given the gift of life merely for that chair now empty. Those who are in Christ were created for eternal glory. We must train our sentiments to lean into truth, and we must know that Christmas is especially for those who grieve.

And them that mourn. The chair may be now empty, but heaven will be full. Remember, above all else, that those who are in Christ, though dead, celebrate Christmas with us — just upon another shore, and in a greater light. Merry Christmas.

http://www.albertmohler.com/2012/12/24/and-them-that-mourn-celebrating-christmas-in-the-face-of-grief-and-death/?utm_source=Albert+Mohler&utm_campaign=bbe396fcc5-Albert_Mohler_Email_August_6_20128_6_2012&utm_medium=email

'tis the season... for loss

who knew that Christmas 2012 would be the time when i would experience LOSS in my life... but, that's what's happening... i guess it started in july when my dad told me that he was going to remarry. i had no objections to him remarrying because i want my dad to be happy. then i met the woman and felt that knot in the pit of my stomach after meeting her that indicated to me that there was something NOT quite right about her. i just didn't trust her and i doubted that her motives were pure. i mean, here was someone who always made it a point to brag about herself and her supposed accomplishments, even at her wedding reception!! there's something seriously wrong with her, but i couldn't convince my dad anymore. he was so infatuated with the facade she displayed to him. but, what i think is worse than someone not having the purest of intentions is the fact that she lies. and her lies have resulted in alienating my dad from me and my family. it's very sad.

because of this woman, i am now estranged from my dad. he has chosen to believe someone whom he has known for only a few months over his own daughter whom he has known for more than 57 years!! what's up with that???? does that make ANY sense? on top of this, this woman has convinced my dad that my mom needs to be TOTALLY eliminated from the consciousness of the church folks in cebu. so, she has convinced my dad that the church folks were talking to my mom's pictures which were displayed in the fellowship hall. my dad actually accused his own church people -- his flock, many of whom have been under his tutelage and leadership for years! -- of practicing necromancy!! a week after dan & i left for the states in late october, that woman succeeded in having all those pictures taken down!!

that really hurt and that was another reason for this sense of loss that i'm feeling. but, i'm comforted by the fact that the WHOLE COMPOUND at 17 forest hills, banawa, IS my mom. she designed that compound -- every single nook and cranny of it! and her personality and creativity are in every single inch of that building. unless this woman decides to destroy the building, she will NEVER be able to erase my mom's influence and handiwork.

when i told my son justin about the pictures of his grandmother being taken down, he shared with me portions of the transcript of a broadcast from Family Life on "blended families" that he downloaded. here's part of that transcript: People who come into a blended family and say, “I don’t want you putting that photo up on the wall anymore because that includes your first wife. It makes me feel like I’m the second wife. It makes me feel less than. It makes me feel like my kids don’t matter to you as much as your kids matter to you,” that’s a person who is being possessive over the family story. They are trying to put themselves into the only place in that other person’s heart and somehow erase the past. Possessiveness only divides. It tends to, then, make other people in the blended family hear that and say, “What?! You want to take Mom’s picture off the wall? How dare you!” It just doesn’t make any sense. Grace, the heart that says, “There is more than enough love in everybody’s heart for the new people as well as the old people, the past people, if you will.” The heart of grace says, “We can all love. There is more than enough love in our hearts to receive these new people.” “You may have had somebody in a photo that was a part of your life before I showed up, and in grace, I’m receiving that part of your life story... Everybody has a role. Everybody has a place. Pretty soon, grandchildren, children—my grandchildren—all of that is going to get mixed together; but as Ron said, if you try to shut out certain people and remove them from this story, you’re only going to cause resentment.”

it's obvious that this woman didn't read up on what she should know about becoming someone's 2nd wife and how to relate to my dad's first family. but, i sensed that already as i could tell that she's a very selfish person. but, i never envisioned that she would go so far as to actually make it her life's mission to drive a wedge between my dad and me. what's sadder still, however, is that my dad BELIEVES her lies!! hence, the indescribable feeling of loss because the dad i've known for 57 years is gone... so, now i've lost BOTH parents...

of course, the loss of my dad to this woman and her influence has resulted in feeling the loss of my mom all over again. she will have been gone for 3 years on 1/2/13 and this is the first Christmas that i will really miss her! she and my dad didn't have a perfect marriage, but they endured for almost 56 years. i firmly believe that through out their marriage, she was my dad's moral compass. she kept him focused on what was important -- his family and his ministry. she sacrificed so much to do the Lord's work but she never complained. she worked her buns off as EL Theological Seminary Dean, CE Department Dean for the church, my dad's personal secretary and confidant and never asked for a centavo!! she was someone everyone in the church respected and loved. you knew where she stood about her faith and other issues and she would never compromise her moral standards for anyone or anything.

his new wife, on the other hand, is showing that her moral compass is quite off. this is a woman who called my dad's home a "dormitory" in order to justify living there with him a whole month before their wedding! this is when i found out that she's also a liar because she told me that AFTER the wedding, she told everyone that it was now a PRIVATE home! from DORMITORY to PRIVATE HOME!! what is she talking about???? that has ALWAYS been a PRIVATE HOME!! for all practical purposes, she was living with my dad before they married and he allowed himself to believe that that was OK "because we're not doing anything wrong." bull! everyone knows it's wrong to live together before marriage!! and it's even more damaging when you're the senior pastor of a church/denomination!! what a shameful example to the young people in the church!!

additionally, she has shown herself to be VERY interested in MONEY. of course, i'm not surprised about this. she has succeeded in getting herself appointed as bookkeeper for EL Inc and the Seminary, but when my dad tried to convince the CHURCH council to approve her as the bookkeeper for the church, we voted against her. this angered my dad so much that he preached on insubordination to his leadership the following sunday! that seems to be his modus operandi now -- if his wife doesn't like something that someone has said or done, my dad will preach about it and scold that person/those people from the pulpit. dan & i were the recipients of this when we told my dad that we felt the two of them living in the same house was wrong.

despite these feelings of loss, i am looking forward to enjoying Christmas as i celebrate it with my kids and grandkids this year. God is still sovereign. He is STILL on the throne overseeing the lives of His creation. Nothing escapes His notice and, from the very beginning, He has ordained everything that is happening in my life right now. All i need to do is TRUST Him and remain FAITHFUL to Him and His will for my life.

So, despite feeling the absence of the love of my parents, i will not allow that feeling of loss to dominate or overwhelm my life. i will endeavor with the Lord's help to move forward with confidence, knowing that HE KNOWS and He STILL cares!!

this is from several months ago...

i thought eva longoria expressed sentiments regarding being cheated on that those of us who have been through the same gut-wrenching experience have also felt. from http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/eva_longoria_not_tony_parker_cheating_9CIHF0amIcUruW3I6h6FHI#ixzz1v2FHkcaH

Eva Longoria has opened up about how she felt finding out that her husband Tony Parker had cheated on her. The "Desperate Housewives" actress admits that she did initially question herself upon discovering that Parker had exchanged hundreds of text messages with another woman.

"It wasn't about who he chose. I mean, I had moments of, 'Am I not sexy enough? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough?'" Longoria said during an appearance on the Demi Moore-produced Lifetime series, "The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet," last night. "But in so many of those questions, I immediately stopped and said, 'No, don't start doing that.' Because you can get stuck in that cycle."

While reports have said Erin Barry, the wife of former NBA player Brent Barry, is the woman who came between Longoria and her husband, both Barry and Parker have denied an affair. Longoria didn't name names in her interview, but she did say that it took her some time to realize that Parker's actions were "definitely not about me."

"Society usually thinks there's something wrong with the woman. 'Oh, he cheated on her, so she must not have been sexually satisfying him. She must have been a ball and chain!'" says Longoria. "Why did he have to have a reason to cheat that had do with me? ... I am so secure in who I am. I really am! And I'm not conceited. I just think, 'Wow, okay, that's the life you want to live.'"

Longoria said that it was hard to confront Parker about his actions while remaining non-judgmental, but that it was important for her to do so. "Even having the conversation, I really wanted to provide a pillow for him to say and express 'the why.' Because I really wanted to know why," Longoria said. "[I said], 'I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to be mad in this moment. I'll be mad later.' People say, 'What grace!' And it wasn't that. I really wanted to know, and if you genuinely want to get something out of somebody, you have to not judge."

While Longoria was kind to her ex-husband in the interview, she did get in one good verbal swipe. When asked the best advice she'd ever gotten, Longoria joked, "Don't marry that basketball player."

update on nico...

today, the TEKNON kids had their Nutrition Month program. this year's theme was about veggies. after the various presentations, including a little talk from our school nurse, Ross Arco, the children worked on coloring their headdresses. i was SO pleased and surprised to have this reaction from nico when i went to take his picture. he has really come out of his shell and i could NOT be happier...

it just hit me...

my preference for my dad's next wife would be someone who knew my mom, respected her and even liked her. this way we could have shared memories of someone who was very significant to me. she might even have stories about my mom that i have never heard and that would make me like my dad's second wife even more. alas, that's not going to happen... the woman my dad plans to marry next month is a TOTAL stranger to me and to our family. she has NO knowledge of my mom and she doesn't even pretend to appreciate who my mom was to us. i can't really blame her because my mom is just someone who is from my dad's past. but, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with this new woman in my dad's life... i told my dad recently that i always thought he was a one-woman man, but, boy, was i wrong! i guess even the best of men still feel they need a wife to feel complete, fulfilled. i mean, why else would an 80-year-old man remarry?????!!!! i guess this just goes to prove that, deep down, men are really polygamous and one woman will never be enough for them...